I've wanted to blog for years. I've always enjoyed writing, and I've always felt like I had something to share. But recently that basic desire has turned into something more. I looked at my girls recently, and realized that their lives are flying by me. I'm trying so hard to hold on, and yet somehow I feel like I'm missing so much. I don't know when it happened, but I know that it breaks my heart. When did Emma stop fitting on my lap? When did Gracie ask me to help her brush her teeth for the last time? So many people get caught up in the firsts, but it's the lasts that scare me. I'm terrified that I'll turn around one day and they'll just be gone.
I have such desire to change the world, to make it a better place for my children, but I can't help but wonder if I'm fixating so much on their future that I'm missing their present. And I know without a doubt that I can never get that present back. Once it's gone, it's gone. And I'm sure every mother, every parent, everyone who has ever loved a child has faced that same horrible feeling.
So I'm hoping that I can capture some of that here, so when the day comes that I realize another chapter has come and gone, at least I'll have some memories to turn to. At least I know that somewhere Gracie will still need me to hold her hand, and Emma will still be crawling into my bed and whispering "Mama, will you snuggle me?".
